Let me play amongst the stars,
tell me what life is like,
On Jupiter or Mars.
So, I'm not feeling too together lately. I spent until about the 20th still thinking I had a (slim) chance of getting into TCol.
Turns out, that's not happening. I made it to interviews all 3 times. Most disheartening was the denial that said they didn't think I could stand the pressures of being a teacher.
Though, you have to wonder if they're right, when you've spent all month in a backslide of epic proportions where it's hard to deal with people.
I miss China. A lot. I miss having a job, and an apartment, and a class, and the struggle with language barriers, and sitting outside my apartment building at 11pm eating food covered in spices and cooked on a little charcoal barbecue, in direct contravention of all fo the travel advice that warns you never to trust the hygeine of such places.
I miss my coworkers, my friends, my students even. I miss feeling needed by society, even in a minimal ancilliary capacity. I'm going to submerge again into academia next year, so as to get secondary teachable subjects, and afterwards I'll be reapplying to teachers college. The rest of the year will no doubt be a whirlwind of social stuff (clubs, societies, organizing committes. Heaven forbid I slip into politics again, though there's a sirens call of that stuff.) and voluntearing (Canty TCol suggested my application would be improved if I had more experience with children. It's a good idea, and will help me fight off the self doubt.)
I feel like I've failed to launch. I don't regret this year, but it's by no means been an easy one. And somewhere along the way in the last 16 months, I feel like I lost proper contact with my core people. I don't even understand how so many bridges fell into disrepair, which is the most damning thing.
Had a pretty good week, hanging out. Kind of sad that we didn't get any roleplaying done yet (which means, almost certainly no RPing whatsoever this week), but I'm sure I'll get a chance to scratch that itch. And the combo board games/computer games/Halo has satisfied for hanging out and general gaming needs.